Monday Morning Box Office: Turtle Resurrection
It's the last Monday in March and you think you've finally adjusted to daylight savings time. High five the guy in the cubicle to your right and reward yourself with a quick trip through the weekend box office numbers:
1. TMNT—$25.450 million
In some cases, as with 300's groundbreaking use of CGI to enhance the six-packs of 300 sweaty Spartan warriors to chiseled, Ab-Roller-quality perfection, the computer effects technology available to filmmakers advances the cinematic art form. But in others instances, as with this weekend's animated resurrection of a once-cherished franchise, it does nothing but make us pine for a simpler, purer time. Back in 1990, the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (relive the magic above) made us believe that Ooze-altered turtles karate-kicked and gobbled pizza among us, but in TMNT, it's all so obviously fabricated that suspending our anthropomorphic-reptile-related disbelief makes us feel merely gullible and dirty.
2. 300—$20.51 million
We really have nothing to add to Friday's 300 Orgy of Parodies at this time. (But we did find it impossible to see an ad for the movie this weekend without "It's Raining Men" immediately leaping into our minds.)
3. Shooter—$14.501 million
Now that he's left plucky-underdog projects like Invincible behind him, Mark Wahlberg's agents absolutely refuse to consider any material in which he portrays a character who is not at the top of his given vocation, whether that be sniper, neurosurgeon, or supermarket parking lot shopping cart collector.
4. Wild Hogs—$14.362 million
Wild Hogs has now crossed $123 million at the domestic box office; once it reaches the $150 million mark, please proceed to your cellar with at least a year's worth of bottled water and canned goods, praying that the Four Harley-Riders of the Midlife-Crisis Apocalypse unleashed by the defilement of the sacred milestone pass you by as they rampage through your town.
5. The Last Mimzy—$5.715 million
We knew that covering up Rainn Wilson's ass crack was really going to hurt The Last Mimzy's prospects, but at least New Line's Bob Shaye can sleep at night knowing he didn't take that easy shortcut to success.