We've finally had a chance to read former New York Post reporter Jared Paul Stern's lawsuit against shopping-market magnate Ron Burkle, filed today. One of Stern's lawyers for his new lawsuit, Larry Klayman, has already sued the Clintons endlessly—some say crazily!—so it's no surprise that there's tons of anti-Clinton stuff in JPS v. Burkle and everyone else. But what else is the truth, according to Jared Paul Stern's filing today?

1. Frank Renzi, former Secret Service, later head of security for Burkle's company Yucaipa, in cooperation with P.I. Richard Di Sabatino, ran surveillance and "dirt-gathering" on Richard Johnson, his family, and other Page Six staffers.

2. Tom Harvey, New York lawyer, is a frequent source on his own clients for Page Six.

3. Publicist Michael Sitrick pimped all the Burkle info to the NY Daily News, telling them Stern was about to be arrested for extortion after a recorded meeting between Stern and Burkle.

4. Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton helped in the schemes!

5. Reporters disturbed Jared's dog!

6. Ron Burkle owns Radar.

7. Radar called JPS "extortionate."

8. The Clintons have more than 40 scandals, including Whitewater, Filegate, Travelgate, and Chinagate. (Which one was Chinagate?)

9. Then Pellicano shows up in the mix! Is that thing still going on? Pellicano is like Hitler: Once you mention his name, all rational conversation stops.

10. Burkle pays Bill Clinton $12 to $15 million a year.

11. Burkle's house is a scene of numerous debaucheries!

12. Our favorite New York Post cartoonist Sean Delonas gets a mention!

13. And to the six counts! Libel, emotional distress, interference in business relationship, injurious falsehood, abuse of process, civil conspiracy. Of course, a call for jury trial.