Did you hear? In a completely uncoerced confession, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has admitted to being the mastermind behind the September 11th attacks and almost every other attack ever! How great is that? Everything wrapped up in a nice, tidy package. Guant

namo works! And now we can build some really tall buildings downtown! But there are some crimes so heinous even Mohammed disavowed them. We've exhaustedly listed each of them.