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OMG, guys! It's finally happening! Tori and that guy whose name we can never remember are having the baby! If you head on over to Cedars Sinai right now, you can be among the first people to welcome the heir to the couple's burgeoning bed and breakfast empire into the world. Hurry, before you miss this opportunity to witness the introduction of basic cable royalty to Hollywood society!

And there's more good news: The birth is inspiring Tori and her mom to finally bury the hatchet. To show that there are no hard feelings lingering between the notoriously catfighting mother and daughter, Candy Spelling will announce shortly that she's going to lend the new parents enough money to buy one of those Malawian or Vietnamese babies that are so popular these days, sparing Tori the indignity of going through a second, tragically unfashionable vaginal birth.