This image was lost some time after publication.

In landing Us Weekly's cover to tell His Side of the Why Britney Spears Went Batshit Insane, Shaved Her Head, Entered Rehab, Escaped Rehab, And Ultimately Bought Out An Entire Wing At Promises Story, Kevin Federline's improbable journey from Superbowl ad punchline to Deadbeat Dad & Estranged Househusband Quarterly's Comeback of the Year recipient is nearly complete. Soon, the entire world will know all the gripping details of Federline's "transformation into Super Dad," a total image rehabilitation marked by crippling crying jags over his better-monied soulmate's troubles, depressive episodes that subside only upon his realization that his emergency custody of Sean Preston and the other one might prove highly lucrative if "sources close to him" keep feeding magazines stories about how he's selflessly resisted the temptation to drop off the rugrats at Promises' Sober Day Care program so that he can focus on his promising music and acting careers.