David Geffen Granted Ten Foot Buffer Between Compound And Unwashed, Beachgoing Masses
Huzzah! The 24-year-long power struggle between Carbon Beach-hogging Malibu megamogul David Geffen and the unwashed masses dedicated to ensuring easy public access to the stretch of luxurious sand behind his compound is finally over! As you can clearly see from the helpful LAT graphic (floating head our value-add) illustrating the settlement reached yesterday between Geffen, the California Coastal Commission, and the public advocacy group People Against Billionaire Beach Hijackers, the DreamWorks partner agreed to open a 42-foot section of the sand he's previously closed off in exchange for being granted a ten-foot plebe-buffer that should help reduce the noisome odor of off-brand cocoa butter that often wafts from the baking flesh of commoners and onto to Geffen's deck, ruining many an oceanside meal. According to the Times, Geffen's attorney is heralding the detente as a "new era of understanding," one in which his client's formerly trigger-happy snipers will first fire a warning shot before gunning down tourists who wander uncomfortably close to their master's property line.
