We have to admit, we don't automatically abhor Bess Abraham. Sorry! Look, we jumped to conclusions when we read that she was a jewelry designer, which is usually code for "my husband makes the money" (see also: preschool teacher, useless shit boutique-owner). But it turns out that Bess's husband is also a jewelry designer, which makes her sort of cool. And we'd mock her for indulging herself in the fantasy that a sushi bar is her daughter's "favorite restaurant," but we feel kind of done with that theme for the day.

However, intern Alexis has, as per usu, found some people who aren't afraid to impugn the honor of a three year old. After the jump, Jenny Lee, Ophira Eisenberg and Seth Herzog tell little Kaia where she can stick her avocado roll.

Jenny Lee, Paralegal

At a mere three years-old Kaia is "very specific about her style."
How is she going to dress in 20 years?
 Oh it's not little Kaia's fault her mother is desperately trying to cultivate an aura of artistic style around her entire family. Is there anything really "specific" about a three-year-old liking pink plastic jewelry and Hello Kitty? (Especially if she's wandering around Koreatown). I used to wear exclusively pink polka-dots and carried a Hello Kitty lunchbox (but I'm also Korean so that isn't really fair.) But the point is, Kaia seems to be on the trajectory of comfortable, happy, heteronormative mass consumerism and I see her as the very edgy 2027 face of Ann Taylor Loft or Casual Corner.

What is Bess's favorite Leonardo DiCaprio movie?
 Considering she looks retarded (or bohemian, or funky, or whatever) and her mom used to own a big fat muumuu (I'm sorry, "maternity poncho"), I'm guessing she particularly enjoyed What's Eating Gilbert Grape.

What's Kaia's second favorite restaurant?
 Avocado sushi? Does that even count as Japanese? I bet they were actually on their way to their favorite Sizzler for some chicken fingers and a sundae. It's okay, Bess, Kaia's not that precocious, but she's only three. In due time she'll be enjoying fusion dim sum and wearing crazy striped leggings like the rest of us.

Ophira Eisenberg, comic

At a mere three years-old Kaia is "very specific about her style."
How is she going to dress in 20 years?
 After 20 years of listening to her mother identify herself through her husband, Kaia will rebel and become what is best described as a bull dyke. Never again will there be inappropriate shoes! The dog hat
will become dog chains, Hello Kitty barrettes will be replaced by owning a bunch of real cats, and instead of sucking on lollipops —well you see where I'm going with this. Good thing she already likes sushi! If we're lucky, maybe she'll even add a consonant to her name.

Or, like everyone else in 20 years, she'll describe her style as global-warming chic — it's a lot of plastic. And crazy.

What is Bess's favorite Leonardo DiCaprio movie?
 She prefers Leo when he was just a punk homeless kid on TV in Growing Pains! It reminds her of when she met her husband. Movie-wise she'd have to go with The Man in the Iron Mask - it reminds her of sex with her husband.

What's Kaia's second favorite restaurant?
 Ah — It's whatever her mom says it is. Actually it's a toss up between Nobo and Blue Fin, although I've heard she takes her dates to One If By Land, Two If By Sea. Gotham Bar and Grill is eager for her endorsement.

Seth Herzog, comedian

At a mere three years-old Kaia is "very specific about her style." How
is she going to dress in 20 years?
 In 20 years she's going to be designing things that remind her 'of being a kid'; Large Animal hats with floppy ears, oversized mittens, or midriff-baring shirts, skinny jeans. OR in 20 years she'll be wearing the skins of actual rhino heads, kitties and rabbits.

What is Bess's favorite Leonardo DiCaprio movie?
 Bess probably loves The Man in the Iron Mask — masks are so Peter Maxy!! Or she might like "Leggings of New York." Somewhere, the Hamburgler is pants-less.

What's Kaia's second favorite restaurant?
 The same store in Koreatown where she buys her clothes. Her favorite meal is also called "Hello Kitty," and comes with lollipops.

Bess and Kaia Abraham, Jewelry Designer and Preschooler [NYMag]