Stalk of the Town: Fishing Prohibited, Schwimming Allowed
The time: 12 a.m.
The date: January 26th
The place: The Spotted Pig, 314 W. 11th St.
Sighted: "Who knew Ross could get so much ass? He was absolutely SURROUNDED by women upstairs at Spotted Pig last night. Wearing a too-tight black Uniqlo sweater, but otherwise looking pretty normal."
Most people know David Schwimmer as Ross Geller, the third male member of the Friends triumvirate of lovable losers next door. But like the Seinfeld curse that prevented the talented cast of that show from starring in successful sitcoms post-Seinfeld, the Friends curse has similarly plagued the otherwise bright careers of Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc. Indeed, Fools Rush In fizzled despite the scorching chemistry of Salma Hayak and Perry; the box office returns for Ed, in which LeBlanc co-stars with a baseball-playing chimp, were unexpectedly disappointing. While Bloated McGee and Joey proved themselves to be weaklings and dimwits like their Friends alter-egos, David showed himself to be cut of a different cloth, shrewdly biding his time waiting for juiciest parts to role in. And clearly David's strategy paid off in spades, as evinced by the runaway smash hit The Pallbearer and the tour de force Breast Men.
Yet David's ingenius career moves are matched only by his unmistakably virile physical appeal. Aside from his elf shoe nosejob and barely noticeable chin implant, David Schwimmer's rugged handsomeness has put him on par with today's hottest sex symbols. Not to be outdone by Clooney's Sexiest Man Alive title, in 2006 David snagged the coveted "Sexiest Jewish Man Alive" honor, awarded each year to one of the world's three Jewish celebrities. Given Schwimmer's killer career instinct and his (literally) devastating looks, it thus comes as no surprise that like Don Juan and Cassanova before him, Schwimmer has left trail of tears in his manly wake. Indeed, David has blazed through the beds of Mili Avital and Emannuelle Perret, shortly after doffing his cap to Perry and showing Amanda Peet his whole nine yards. He has broken hearts, and apparently, crotches, as shortly after he dated Natalie Imbruglia, she penned her hit "Torn."
But promising the ladies a Friends reunion is apparently not the bargaining chip it once was, and it appears that David is finally ready to settle down. Recent reports have spotted him around town with a "sexy mystery brunette." But this mystery's just been solved; tired of dating shiksas and finding his menorah in the garbage, Schwimmer has returned to his roots. Indeed, the Schwimmer seems to have suited up and dove right into his gene pool, with gorgeous fellow castmate Rusty Schwimmer. But can this Venus, this Aphrodite, tame our lusty wolf?
