Monday Morning Box Office: Why See An Oscar Nominee When Someone's Getting Kicked In The Balls?
Choke down this weekend's box office numbers, which go down as smoothly as a coffee cup filled with rusty nails:
1. Epic Movie—$19.2 million
Following the releases of Date Movie and Epic Movie, Fox may have finally exhausted all of the flimsy organizing premises that allow them to issue ninety-minute- long strings of scenes of actors being struck in the genitals, suffering unexpected blows to the head, or engaging in random scatological antics, but they're still committed to keeping the franchise going: After rejecting a pitch for a Movie Movie follow-up as too meta, development executives are close to greenlighting the more straightforward Kicked in the Junk While Farting Movie, the spiritual successor to Idiocracy's Ow My Balls! and Ass.
2. Smokin' Aces—$14.262 million
If nothing else, Jeremy Piven's "caked in coke, buried in hookers, and ready to blow his brains out" Smokin Aces' performance provides a preview of what awaits us in the series finale of Entourage, when a despondent Ari Gold learns he's lost star client Vince forever.
3. Night at the Museum—$9.45 million
We are at least three weeks past having anything to say about Ben Stiller and those animated dinosaur bones.
4. Catch and Release—$8 million
Our exhaustive internet research into Catch and Release was quickly curtailed when we discovered that it's a romantic comedy starring Jennifer Garner.
5. Stomp the Yard—$7.8 million
We anxiously await the film's availability on Netflix, when we can finally discover what is entailed in the stomping of a yard without shame in the privacy of our home.
