In case you were harbored any suspicions that Park Slope parents weren't completely neurotic and obsessive, New York magazine is here to prove you completely and utterly wrong. Park Slope parents, as it turns out, are in fact the most neurotic and obsessive parents in the world! At least, that's what we've gleaned from this article , which details the lengths to which parents will go to protect their wee'uns from, like, the air:

While I was busy shopping at the Greenmarket, other New Yorkers were discovering untreated cotton mattresses and odorless paint. Pure food? Check. Pure—everything? That's what comes next.

This kind of purity attracts the chemically suspicious. Its adherents distrust anything "unnatural." They fear air freshener, fire retardants, and fabric softener. They know which substances have already been banned in European countries. Their inner peace is achieved by the studious avoidance of all hazards. But their quest itself—and here I speak from experience—is characterized by bursts of panic. There's a lot of uncertainty: What does it mean if something is classified as a "likely" carcinogen? Is our children's low-level, daily exposure to any number of chemicals perfectly fine, or causing subtle neurological damage? And if these things aren't good for us, what are they doing to our overtaxed planet? Like many paths to serenity, this one involves renunciation: in this case, of household items like nonstick cookware, waxed dental floss, and water bottles.

We'd share more, but our plastic water bottle just succeeded in cutting off all oxygen to our brain, exacerbated by the piece of waxed dental floss we currently have hanging out of our mouths. Also, we plan on allowing our unborn children to play, unsupervised, in the Gowanus Canal.

Indulge Your Paranoia [NYM]