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We started to tell you about Andrea Peyser's visit to Whitney Houston's court-ordered clearance sale — the one we got you all jazzed for a couple of weeks ago, remember? — and we just didn't know where to begin. Andrea did, though:

It's enough to make a girl take up crack. I've seen where spent songbirds come to die.
Along the saddest, slimiest stretch of New Jersey, inside a putrid warehouse that smells of mold and ancient cocaine, lie the remains of Whitney Houston.

We know, we know, you're thinking, like, "smells of . . . ancient cocaine? — but Whitney Houston's still alive and seems to be on an upswing?" Shhh! Don't interrupt the master. She's about to be inspired to do some of her finest work.

In a patch of Irvington that even the rats and addicts seem to have abandoned, between a rotting ceiling and a decaying floor, sittables jammed with Whitney's size 32-A Dolce & Gabbana bustiers. Sequined belts. Tragic, feathered purses. And stuffed inside a metal drawer, silicone discs marked "bust enhancer."
It's gonna take a lot more than that.

Leaving the tragic purses aside, Andrea goes on to describe her difficulty in squeezing even her "size 4" thigh into Whitney's "musty gowns." But that wasn't the only thing trying to squeeze into a place it didn't belong that day.

Being that this sale involves Whitney, a pleasant drag queen named Sarah asked me to give her a ride around a long, sketchy block to the warehouse's main entrance. Before I could hum a bar of "How Will I Know," Sarah, in a multicolored blouse and blond flip, climbed grandly into my car's back seat. I didn't dare complain. But upon peeking inside the building's door at the jumbled junk on sale, Sarah looked queasy. "This is not what I expected," she announced. And she took off without stepping inside.

Hey, Andrea: we can't help but speculate about what it was that Sarah "expected" when she asked you for a "ride," and we hope that next time, you'll trust your feelings. In fact, we say a prayer with every heartbeat.

Relics of Whitney's Blown Life [NYP]

Whitney Houston's Auction (Slideshow) [WCBS]

Earlier: Whitney Houston's Creditors Have Found The Greatest Court-Ordered Auction of All