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While the birth father of Madonna's catalog-ordered Malawi orphan may have recently expressed frustration that, since parting with his son, he has received not so much as a postcard of Big Ben reading, "Dear Ex-Daddy: My new daddy Guy can play bagpipes and drives an Aston Martin! Love, David," he may be comforted by the findings of the Malawian child welfare ministry, whose initial assessment of Madonna during her 18-month trial period came back with a gold star:

Principal Secretary in the Ministry of Women and Child Welfare Adrina Mchiela told Reuters the government is satisfied so far at the way Madonna is looking after David Banda.

"We have been monitoring her and so far we see a loving mother in Madonna and David is very fine... the father should not be worried," Mchiela said.

Hopefully, this welcome news will allow both sides to relax somewhat, putting an end to David's father's recurring nightmare in which a cackling, well-muscled witch-lady swoops out of the sky on her flying disco-cross to snatch his son out of his arms, and causing Madonna to feel secure enough in her mothering skills to not preface every meal and toy presentation with, "And there's more where this came from if you just keep smiling and nodding whenever they ask you if you're happy here. Got it?"