The following dropped into our inbox late last evening:

Having worked in the bowels of some of NY's most well-known restaurants, I can tell you things that would make your hair stand on edge. But I won't. However, I can tell you a few things about a couple of well-known restaurants that would come as a surprise. Interested?

Well, uh, fuck yeah, whaddya got? Turns out our correspondent, whom we'll be calling Joey Santiago, has some good stuff indeed. After the jump, Mr. Santiago details some bad behavior at Upper East Side Italianish chowhouse Jovia.

Q: What motivates conservative and intelligent investment bankers to invest in a restaurant?
A: Ego and pussy. Period.

Don't kid yourself. The proprietor's reasons are often the same. It sure isn't for the loot. We all know what the odds are of making a killing by opening a restaurant.

Investors have the best of both worlds though. They're not burdened with the day to day operations and generally have no desire to be THAT involved. But they get to reap the benefits, i.e., inviting friends to THEIR restaurant, free drinks and meals, getting waited on hand and foot and having a place to hang out. And if they blow $100k or $300k, at least they got their money's worth in feeding their gut and ego.

What better way to feed your ego than to own a restaurant. But ya know, these guys check their brains at the door. They ignore doomsday signs (an average of 5 covers for lunch and oftentimes not much better for dinner) and keep emptying their wallet into what is such an obvious failure to the rest of the world.

And then they start thinking like the idiot who's running the place and running it into the ground. Why? Because they wanna believe. Do you think a prudent investor would go by his gut feeling instead of demanding and carefully examining the records in any other business? What the hell is it with restaurants?

Many of the Jovia investors are Bear Stearns investment bankers. They're not dumb, just stupid. And they become over-testosteroned teenagers when they walk into Jovia. In short, they become idiots and chase away paying customers and embarrass the staff. They get sloppy drunk and make rude remarks. This might be harmless in the Village or Soho, but this is the Upper East Side, i.e., tight panties and old money.

On 12/7, several investors actually had a fruit fight and were throwing glasses at each other! One of the investors stood on their imported Italian bar and proceeded to ask the guys as loudly as he could, "Where are we going now? To find some cunts?" The female floor manager is a great gal rarely complains. This did not deserve to happen on her watch. Perhaps [Jovia owner] Stephen Loffredo should use his 21st century video system to keep tabs on the investors instead of his customers.

[Image via