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Today's Page Six puzzles through how floundering megastar Jim Carrey and multimedia-brand-in-decline Jennifer Lopez squeezed onto the guest list for last month's Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Billion Year Commitment Ceremony Spectacular, connecting the dots first through evil agenting monolith CAA, then through a possible interest in discovering how some time in the sauna with a fistful of vitamins can help one's career or family-building ambitions. Says Page Six:

Some assumed it was the super-agency CAA, which reps both Cruise and Carrey and used to handle J.Lo. But insiders say the mystery link among the superstars is actually the Church of Scientology.

"Jim is taking the introductory and beginner's courses right now," a source told Page Six. Another source notes that Lopez, a close friend of Scientologist Leah Remini, "has started using Scientology phrases and explains the church to people. Leah and Jennifer have been friends for years, and Leah has always talked to her about the church without pressuring her. [...]

Some observers speculate that Lopez, who has had trouble conceiving in the past, could be leaning to the Scientologists for help in having a baby.

Reps for Lopez said, "I have no knowledge of this, but I probably wouldn't have a comment on it if I did." A mouthpiece for Carrey insisted, "He is not taking classes."

Despite the speedy denial and "no comment" stonewalling, it's not that far-fetched to imagine Cruise offering up his own life as a powerful recruitment tool during his wedding reception. He could point out to the embattled Carrey that mere months ago, Cruise himself was just another down-on-his-luck actor, but with the help of his religion, he's running his own studio, and remind the childless Lopez that seemingly moments after Katie Holmes became a Scientologist, the Church's impregnation techs were able to fill his war bride's womb with a baby genetically similar enough to him that it could appear on the cover of Vanity Fair with only a bare minimum of uncomfortable questions about its parentage. With pitches that compelling, Carrey and Lopez were probably clamoring to sign up for respective Building The Bridge Back To A $20 Million Per Picture Quote and Infant Generation Level I: Learning To Let Go Of Intercourse-Based Insemination Techniques courses at the Celebrity Centre before the wedding cake was served.