Monday Morning Box Office: Mel Gibson Overcomes Jewish Conspiracy To Keep His Movie Out Of First Place
Pour yourself a steaming cup of the weekend box office numbers, still the only reliable cure for an office holiday party hangover:
1. Apocalypto—$14.166 million
With Apocalypto's first-place-but-really-not-that-impressive opening, Disney's president of distribution is declaring the result the triumph of Art over Media Sensationalism, telling the LAT: "They judged the movie, not the man. It's so hard to get noticed in this crowded marketplace, but here is a film that on its face said, 'I'm fresh, I'm creative, I'm different,' and people responded to that." The box office victory might have made Gibson and the studio somewhat overconfident about moviegoers' acceptance of the embattled director, as it plans to roll out a new series of ads this week declaring Apocalytpo "THE NUMBER ONE MOVIE IN AMERICA. TAKE THAT, JEWS."
2. The Holiday—$13.5 million
Maybe The Holiday could have found the half a million or so dollars it would have taken to overcome Apocalypto if it had featured a scene in which Cameron Diaz graphically beheads Jude Law and bounces his pretty head down his front steps like a soccer ball. Clearly, the film was lacking that "creative" and "different" element that propelled Gibson's effort into first place.
3. Happy Feet—$11.032 million
4. Casino Royale—$8.8 million
We admit that we may be a little fixated on Casino Royale's harrowing torture scene (we've been scarred, apparently, and might need to talk this one out with a licensed therapist), but we find it almost impossible to view these results without imagining a gang of tap-dancing penguins repeatedly striking a naked Daniel Craig in the genitals with a knotted rope.
5. Blood Diamond—$8.515 million
This morning, Warner Bros. distribution executives will blame this highly disappointing™ opening on a DeBeers campaign offering moviegoers a coupon redeemable for a free diamond if they would watch a short video about the "irresponsible lies" about their industry presented in Blood Diamond instead of buying a ticket to the film.
