Cond Cook Canned?
Every year, Cond Nast chairman Si Newhouse repairs to Vienna for the month of December, only to drop a bombshell in the new year. In 2003, it was the retirement of CEO Steve Florio; in 2004, the departure of editorial director James Truman; and, last year, the exit of Mary Berner, CEO of the Fairchild division.
It's still weeks away, but top-level Cond Nast insiders believe they know who will be the target of this year's January surprise: David Washington, a line cook in the Cond cafeteria. On a recent morning Washington, who works two jobs to support his four-year-old son, was overtired and inadvertently allowed a clove of garlic to slip into the green bean salad he was preparing. Insiders report that, while Newhouse will never know about the incident, supervisors will have dismissed Washington before the Christmas holiday.
"The man says no garlic. You can't have garlic in here," says one co-worker.
Numerous sources cite Washington's overbearing attention to minutiae as a recurring source of pride, and find the fact that one inexplicable slip-up will result in his dismissal to be absolutely appalling. "He's an incredibly sweet guy," says one. "He's always asking after your family, helping you out when you come in hungover. He's the king of the big smile and hug."
Washington, who had aspirations of attending college until he impregnated his high school girlfriend and was forced to take low-paying jobs in order to provide for his family , is expected to drift into a state of deep depression, which will culminate in homelessness, alcoholism, and, in January, accidental death after a drunken fall onto the subway tracks. Insiders expect his child, also named David, to grow up angry and confused, never quite knowing how much his father loved him and that his absence in his life was the result of events beyond his control. The boy will always feel the ache of losing his dad but, without his constant presence during his formative years, he'll be unable to express his feelings in a positive or productive manner.
Almost all of the Cond cafeteria officials contacted for this story, all of whom hold senior menu positions and are longtime veterans of the company, agree the current situation is untenable. "The man says no garlic," sadly predicts one cook. "You can't have garlic in here."
Oh, also, Radar thinks Cond group president Mitchell Fox might be getting canned.
