Periodically, it's necessary to take a moment to explain our seemingly complicated and maddeningly semi-exclusive commenting features to new readers unfamiliar with their arcane workings, and to help remind our longtime companions about how things work around here, recognizing that the part of their brains responsible for retaining such knowledge was probably smoothed during last night's Grey-Goose-and-strawberry-blow binge. So how does one become a Defamer commenter, you didn't ask, but we're pretending you did anyway?

Method One: The personal invite. You e-mail us explaining why you'd make a valuable addition to the ranks of impossibly well-connected, rapier-witted chatterboxes whose pithy remarks on our semiliterate postings make us feel a little less alone during the 18 hours per day we spend trolling for graphic images of Britney Spears' ladyflower or flavorless, yet strangely revealing, Jerry Bruckheimer quotes. The general guidelines on this method are in this FAQ, and it never hurts to e-mail from an account proving your affiliation with an entertainment industry concern you would never, ever think of later besmirching from a personal webmail address.

Method Two: The try-out comment. If you're not a registered commenter, you can choose a username and password and leave a "try-out" (or "spec comment," if you favor obnoxious industry terminology) effort in the Post a Comment box that follows each post (follow the "Comment/14 comments, latest by StudioWhore6969" links if you're on our front page). That comment is delivered into a queue for our approval, and if we're suitably impressed by your maiden remark, the comment appears in that thread, and you become a full-fledged commenter with all the fancy personalized-page bells and funny-avatar whistles; if not, it disappears into a limbo populated by unbaptized celebrity baby bumps and NBC sitcom pilots passed over in favor of Four Kings. We recommend something more substantial than "Paris Hilton is a skank," "KAITEYS BABY IS SO CUTE WHY YA GOTTA B H8ERS???" or, "You are a fucking moron, blogboy," for your initial comment, as our heads are already overcrowded with similar thoughts and may be mistaken for our own. Another sure ticket to limbo: overdoing it, as we are far too lazy to read any prospective comments longer than three sentences.

Keep in mind that commenting privileges can be withdrawn at any time, either in public, humiliating fashion (it's been a while, hasn't it?) or through more discreet, behind-the-scenes means, but in the event of a cancellation, you can always petition us via Method One or try out with Method Two for re-entry into the community with a fresh username, ready to delight or displease us anew. Good luck.