Stalk of the Town: Jack Bauer Will Smoke Wherever He Goddamn Wants To Smoke
The date: November 12, 2006.
The place: JFK Airport.
Sighted: "Kiefer Sutherland at the United Airlines first class lounge with a very cute blonde at his side. He went into the bathroom in the lounge and had a cigarette just prior to leaving to board his flight."
Let's face it — post-9/11 America is a pretty grim place. Iraq is a mess, terrorists are trying to kill us, like, all the time, and, to put it mildly, the political landscape is not exactly crawling with heroic leaders ready to sort everything out. You know what we do have though? Jack Bauer. A puffy-cheeked, velvet-voiced, pocket-sized savior for our times. (If you haven't seen the trailer for season six yet, they actually have him in a Jesus-beard at this point.)
Even better than the fictional character, we have Kiefer Sutherland. A man who escaped a few late-1980s career trip-ups and being left at the altar for Jason Patric (for realsie Julia Roberts?) to reemerge as one of the coolest people alive.
So, why was our hero sneaking a smoke in a bathroom stall? Sure, it was most likely a nonsmoking lounge, but this is Jack Bauer we're talking about. Maybe it had something to do with his cute, blonde traveling companion, Catherine Bisson. His on-again, off-again girlfriend of the last four years and recent Halloween party date. If that's the case, he should get rid of her. Kiefer needs a woman who understands that he can do whatever the hell he wants. Our country demands it.
