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You'd think that during the fifteen minutes in which Kevin Federline enjoyed enough leverage to make any kind of backstage demands for his predictably underattended live performances, he'd at least try and see if he could send venues scrambling to find "Five (5) bitches of various ethnicities, drenched in baby oil" and a "One (1) Sub Zero refrigerator, equipped to dispense Cristal from its drinking water apparatus" for his appearances. The Smoking Gun, however, has revealed the surprisingly modest ridiculousness of his concert rider game, which makes requests for the expected cans of Red Bull, bottles of Jack Daniels and Grey Goose, and in what must be seen as a conscious attempt to establish a snack food identity distinct from that of his Cheeto-guzzling, soon-to-be ex-wife, bags of Doritos and BBQ chips. Perhaps the most interesting item on the list is the pair of aromatherapy candles, which we imagine are an indispensable part of his pre-performance preparation: their calming scents help him temporarily achieve a sense of happiness and well-being that will be shattered the moment he steps on stage and is quickly enveloped by the boos (or at best, ironic cheers) of a sparsely populated auditorium.

Bonus: The inevitable "My Kick Game Is Ridiculous" Cafe Press t-shirt.