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We knew that by outsourcing our Britney Spears & K-Fed Sex Tape authentication needs to the cutting-edge porn-analysis lab over at sister site Fleshbot, we'd eventually get a reliable verdict about whether what we witnessed (over and over again, in the name of serious-minded research) was a loving video diary entry depicting one of the most intimate moments between an orally generous pop-star and her layabout, trucker-hatted househusband, or just a well-timed ruse meant to take advantage of yesterday's headline-grabbing divorce news. Unfortunately, Fleshbot has tracked down the source footage and come to the conclusion that the clip is a fake that preyed on our willingness to believe that a Spears-Federline sex tape could possibly be released into the world without K-Fed's official—and proud—profit participation. For a second straight day, the star-crossed couple has brought us nothing but unfathomable sadness. Would it have killed them to give us this small thing? No, it would not have.

And because it's been roughly fifteen minutes since we've passed on the latest development in their ongoing divorce drama, TMZ reports that Federline is already suing for custody of the children. We really hope that Spears calls his bluff and hands them over without a fight; she'll probably save millions of dollars in an extortion pay-off, and she can always retrieve the tykes from Child Protective Services after Federline forgets that he left them with his dealer as collateral while a little short on cash.