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Even though superannuated Viacom despot Sumner Redstone publicly reacted with the obligatory, magnanimous statement "(I wish Tom and his associates the greatest good fortune in their venture.") in reaction to yesterday's news that former moviemaking associate Tom Cruise is shacking up with MGM to revive United Artists, privately, he probably spent the day angrily commanding various abled-bodied minions to overturn heavy office furniture on his enraged behalf, berating his underling's utter failure to follow his orders to have Cruise placed on an ice floe and floated out into the ocean, eliminating the possibility that he'd ever work in the entertainment industry again. But for at least a few precious moments yesterday, Redstone was able to take some solace in the fact that he has at least one employee he can count on:

"I could not be any more pleased with everything that Les and his team have achieved," Redstone, who is chairman and controlling shareholder of both Viacom and CBS, gushed to Wall Street analysts yesterday on a conference call to discuss CBS' quarterly results. "In Les we have the best executive in the media industry."

"Les would do anything for the company," continued Redstone, his voice softening. "Just a few moments ago, after we found out about this United Artists business, my little Les asked if I wanted him to 'take care of the Cruise situation' for me. I told him that was very sweet of him to offer, but I was happy for him to just hold me in his strong arms and tell me that everything was going to be OK. That's what superior media executives do."