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By now, it's likely you've come across the likes of Baby Jake, the telegenic toddler who has achieved a certain measure of notoriety due to his being relentlessly pimped out on BuyJake.com as a tiny, human billboard by what we'll assume is either an opportunistic parent, or the Gypsy carnie who won him in a high-stakes game of bocce ball. Now comes word of a huge development in the ongoing Baby Jake saga, as he tells us in his "Blog to Fame!" (pause to shudder at inevitable prospect of 2024 Entertainment Tonight segment entitled, "Baby Jake, All Grown-Up: The Road Back From Hell,") that noted baby welfare advocate Oprah Winfrey has made a sizable monetary offer to ensure Jake never has to again endure being painted to resemble a Jack in the Box Bacon 'n' Cheese Ciabatta Burger:

One of Oprah's producers called me and said Oprah wants to buy me for $10,000!!! She said there was a catch though, I can't ever advertise on my body again, do commercials, etc. Well, although we are SHOCKED, to say the least, we cannot guarantee I will never be in showbiz again. Therefore, I must decline her generous offer to get me out of the business.

I am destined to be a star and am having lots of fun along the way! Even though this adventure will be my last, I plan on advertising for a huge company that will open the doors to many other adventures (ie: commercials, movie spots, talk shows, etc.) But, I will say, if Oprah calls me herself, that's another story! It would be hard to turn her down personally, especially if I was invited on her show!

We're heartened to see that this shameless stage mother from hell adorable, spotlight-loving baby has his principles, albeit ones he's quickly willing to toss in the Diaper Genie should Oprah herself deign to dial him up with a personal invitation. It's that kind of uncompromising vision that should ensure Jake an enduring career in show business, beginning with his remote playdate via satellite on The Oprah Winfrey Show with recent Madonna purchase David Banda as part of a compelling hour dedicated to the subject of publicity-generating poop-machines.