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Liz Smith plays defense for Team Madonna today, opening her column with this gem: "IT'S HARD for me to understand exactly what it is Madonna has done personally to all who are so violently critical of her recent plunge into Third World child-caring, money-giving and adoption. The press continues to turn her into a monster."

That's okay, Liz. We don't read the Post that closely either.

MADONNA DEFIANT
DAD TO MADONNA: WHOA, MAMA [NYP]

Earlier: Who Breaks a Slutterfly On a Wheel? Mouth-Foaming Postie, That's Who