A Modest Proposal For Getting The Rich To Their Cars In A More Timely, Less Upsetting Fashion
Ever since yesterday's Variety opened our eyes to the heart-wrenching plight of industry event attendees who find themselves idling in their cars for unacceptably prolonged stretches of time due to a widespread valet understaffing crisis, we've hardly been able to think about anything else. But in an attempt to be a part of a solution rather than merely a helpless observer of this tragedy, we're spotlighting this comment from yesterday's post, in which a reader who attended the Fulfillment Fund gala cited for its shocking parking problem describes their organizers' novel way of speeding the deep-pocketed through long valet lines:
I was at the Fulfillment Fund event and valet was no problem if (like us) you arrived on goddamn time and went to Trader Vic's to get (more) drunk right afterward. Simple solution, peoples.
And being first in line in the valet afterwards was - no joke - part of the $10,000 high-end auction item packages. Nice.
It's almost crazy enough to work: With no shortage of impatient, obscenely wealthy people in Hollywood, auctioning off spots at the front of the valet line to the highest bidder might be the first, crucial step towards solving this problem. And starting the bidding in the five-figure range should price poorer, run-of-the-mill parking attendant bribers out of the game, ensuring that only the most important, well-monied guests—the ones most likely to be inconvenienced by car-fetching delays—get to cut the line, furthering strengthening the industry's caste system. We think the Fund people are really on to something here.
