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Cementing its status as the world's foremost authority on womb fruit, People magazine — through its extensive network of vagina cams and dogs trained to follow the smell of placenta — nabbed the celebrity birth-canal coup of the century. In an exclusive report on People.com, the magazine beat back the competition by reporting FIRST and FASTEST that actress Kelly Rutherford — who was in some other stuff since Melrose Place, but obviously none of it matters — has pushed out a baby boy. And, illustrating the continued need to treat the childbearing beat as more of a police blotter, the birth was not without a crime against nomenclature.

Herm s Gustaf Daniel Giersch was born at 8 a.m. at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. He weighed 8.5 lbs. and was 22 in. long.

After being in labor throughout the night, Rutherford is now resting comfortably at home with her baby. [...]

"We are all feeling good and I am so blissed out and tired," she says. Being a new mom is "just amazing. It's incredible to see these little beings."

Of course it is! Especially if the Herm s label decides to send over a grateful gift basket. Hopefully this will herald a new, spectacular era of celebrity pregnancy profiteering, in which names like Apple and Suri and Audioscience are replaced by corporate sponsorships. We look forward to welcoming to the world little Bank of America Spelling-McDermott, and to waving hello to Sofia Coppola's child, The CW Free To Be Coppola-Mars.