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The one-year old boy Madonna has been trying to adopt from Malawi — despite laws that prohibit the nation's young from being clutched to the ample bosoms of foreign women with proven conic-bra proclivities — officially arrived today in England, where he will soon take up his role sitting quietly in a playpen while Madonna spends eight hours hotboxed in a yoga class. The pop star's newest youngling, David Banda (whose full name semi-aptly anagrams to "Diva, and bad"), apparently survived his baptism by paparazzi, which came after the eager photogs failed to be fooled by his lack of conspicuously oversized sunglasses.

Police officers escorted ... him past photographers hoping to get a glimpse of the boy as he made his way to the pop star's home. [...]

Liz Rosenberg, Madonna's publicist in New York, said the child was issued a passport and a visa Monday.

"This interim adoption grants David's new parents temporary custody for 18 months, during which time they will be evaluated by the courts of Malawi per the tribal customs of the country," she said. "It is expected that the family will be reunited in the next few days."

His arrival brings the makeshift British matron's African impulse-shopping spree to a close, having yielded her a children's charity, a high-court grant for a temporary adoption, and, presumably, an inside track to usurping the country's highest seat of power; once she's rechristened the country Madgelawi and turned "Justify My Love" into its national anthem, she can finally rest knowing that Angelina Jolie is weeping into her pillow about just not having tried hard enough.

[Image: A reader submitted this Photoshop callback to the Paltrow-related absurdities of yore, and for that we are as thankful as a little boy plucked from his lone, impoverished relative and spirited off to a life of luxury.]