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While we generally only dedicate the resources of the Defamer Photo Enhancement Lab to matters involving the involuntary baring of an actress's mammaries, when circumstances demand it, we've been known to break down our sexist double standard and illustrate bizarre or unexpected configurations of the male anatomy. We very briefly turn our attention to x17's photographs to a distressingly perky-nippled Tom Cruise, whose dangerously erect man-buttons threaten to shred the fabric of his turtleneck—even when the actor's posture should have produced enough slack to conceal them (see insert)—as he takes in his daughter's soccer game in Malibu. We'll have to examine further examples of this strange phenomenon before we can reach any conclusions about possible pectoral implants (or, God help us all, a set of permanently rigid, aftermarket areolas) but for the time being, we remain open to the possibility that his physique may have been cosmetically enhanced.