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It's a gloomy Friday, your hangover amplified by gray skies and a shit-it's-really-fall chill in the air. Other than a Bloody Mary, there's only one thing to lift your spirits, and that's making fun of dumbass hipsters. And so it's time for Blue States Lose, wherein we look at the heartbreaking photos on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Alex Blagg panics! at! the! disco!

10. Misshapes. September 23rd, 2006 photo #038: I know you people don't actually read this column for the savage verbal destruction of the downtown douche set. If you get honest with yourselves, you really read it for the latest cutting-edge hipster fashion trends, and boy do I have a DOOZY for you this time. What's the hottest thing to happen to "pointless things people put on themselves to look cool" accessories since that whole "western bandanas" thing? Necklaces with keys on them! Yes, this hot new fashion fad blends form and function to create the coolest possible way to tell people, "The metal objects hanging from my neck look amazing - AND they grant me access to the lockbox of lameness I keep under my bed back at dipshit HQ!". Fuck, even Steve Aoki loves - no seriously, LOVES - these little awesomeness secrets, so you know they're the new hotness. You listenin' Sunday Styles section?

9. The Cobrasnake. This That Here There photo #7199: Can someone please tell me whether Lord Cheetahpants Tennyshoes is pissing all over the amplifier, praying to the dance-punk-psycho-core-art-school-dropout bullshit coming out of it, or just fucking passed out on it? And for Advanced Player bonus points, which of these possibilities is the worst?

8. Misshapes. September 23rd, 2006 photo #165: Watch out Bloods, Crips and Vice Lords, cause there's a new gang on the streets, and the LA Actor/Model/Musician/DJ/Artist/Hipster/Whatever-Gets-Us-Some-Fucking-Attention Posse takes no prisoners. Things are about to get all West Side Story up in this bitch. Jets!

7. Misshapes. September 23rd, 2006 photo #131: Say what you will about my man Tenderheart here, but it takes courage to roll around town wearing a tiny female neon version of your haircut on your chest.

6. The Cobrasnake. Popcorn Shrimp photo #1258: Nancy Vicious here got so drunk on twelve dollar Stellas that he actually puked punk rock all over his American Eagle shirt.

5. Cory Kennedy's Blog: New game, kids! This one's called "Quotable Cory", in which you must identify which of the following four sentences was NOT written by the blogosphere's cool party "It-Girl" Idiot Sedgwick, Cory Kennedy. *The answer's at the bottom of the post!

a) "it first started off with a phone call from sean lennon in london....we ended up having the most intriguing discussions about politics, the elite circle of men & their depression, their brilliance, & how so very concerned we are that no one is concerned government wise. Aristotle, Plato.... come back? please?"
b) "i saw someone wearing a shirt today that said cory kennedy on it."
c) "me eating, indian food, listening to keep your hands off my girl, by good charlotte, thats it."
d) "being famous is awesome."

4. Misshapes. September 23rd, 2006 photo #071 and #135: The key fad's one thing, but I'm not sure the world is quite ready for this whole "Black people in 80's jackets with animal fur liberally applied them" thing.

3. The Cobrasnake. This That Here There photo #6718: There are few men who can push buttons on a laptop to activate the music from the "Indie Dance Mix Vol 12 Elijah Wood Celebrity Playlist" they downloaded off iTunes and get the hipster kids asses 'a shakin' like a fucking earthquake of awesomeness, but DJ's AM and Aoki are undoubtedly two of them. The depressing of the "ENTER" key is an art, and these two Picassos are modern day Masters.

2. Last Night's Party. Book Tour Miami photo #9177: You can crush all the Buds you want, homefries, but that jacket is still going to look like a gay sex orgy from Super Mario Brothers 2.

1. The Cobrasnake. Popcorn Shrimp photo #1382: I don't know, darling - maybe if you arbitrarily slapped on a few more mismatching accessories, some human trainwreck of a hipster boy would give you the attention necessary to keep you from going home and wondering what you're doing wrong and why you're alone. How about a Hello Kitty headband, or a key necklace or something?

*It's "D"!