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· The Week In Anna Nicole: Howard K. Stern claims paternity. The pathologist claims overdose. Anna Nicole claims "I do." But not, like, "I do I do."
· The Studio 60 Drinking Game: Drink every time something sounds familiar.
· Mel Gibson emerges from Malibu exile, but the Jews are still waiting for some Yom Kippur-style atonement.
· Without A Trace's writing staff swelters on the Warner Bros. lot as their A/C falls victim to Oceans 13's higher priority shooting needs.
· Fox reps get creative with their diagnoses of their morgue-bound series.
· A week of Lindsay Lohan magazine covers, present and future.
· Power divisions of Hollywood's comedy elite, for visual learners.
· The specter of Ain't It Cool News' Harry Knowles wearing nothing but boxing shorts is narrowly avoided as Uwe Boll battles his critics in the ring.
· Dessarae Bradford, stalker of the people.
· Charlie Sheen's pom-pom budget triples, rendering him exhausted.
· Jack Nicholson's strap-on currently fielding offers.
· After two, history-making weeks, Survivor: Race Wars goes back to old fashioned, vanilla Survivor. Bo-ring!
· The new, Suri-inspired trend could result in plenty of extremely embarrassed babies on gusty, autumn days.
· What does the President need? An engraved invitation?
· Rumored doc captures former child star applying rudimentary cat whiskers to female companionship.
· Joe Francis puts one ugly, undocumented, underage chapter behind him, looks wistfully ahead to many more.
· Another baby step of justice meted out to street-terror Paris Hilton.
· And finally, ladies and gentleman: John Travolta, Precious Cheese.