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· According to Page Six, Scarlett Johannsson's body is so spectacular that her team of Brazilian wax technicians had to put on welding goggles lest their corneas be singed by her perfect genitalia. Even so, three of them fainted dead away despite the safety precautions.
· Scrubs' Judy Reyes is going to get the bitchingest mix tape ever of sensitive, adult-indie-contemporary get-well songs from her pal Zach Braff. He knows just the Zero-7-to-Pete-Yorn-to-Sia transition to make everything better.
· The Gilded Moose gets off the best Deep Space Nine-referencing Project Runway joke you'll probably ever hear.
· Old pal and former Gizmodo nerd-in-chief/Consumerist brand-killer Joel Johnson launched Dethroner today, his daily guide celebrating "the imperfect male." Please visit and make him feel good about his decision to leave the Gawker family.
· Andrew Krucoff somehow induces retiring, media-shy HuffPo mastermind Ariana Huffington to chat on the record about L.A.
· We don't care that Court TV disclaimed his exclusion in their intro—how can any list of the "creepiest celebrity parents" not include titty-obsessed Joe "Check Out My Daughter's Great Rack!" Simpson? Answer: It cannot.
· Marmaduke, explained.