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Wracking your brains trying to come up with the perfect gift for that special call-roller in your life in honor of the quickly approaching Hollywood Assistant's Day*? You can never go wrong with a subscription to Defamer Mobile. A mere $4.99 per month ensures they're always in the loop with up-to-minute reports on Barney Greengrass brawls and Paris Hilton DUIs, sent conveniently to the very same mobile device you've snatched off their desks and launched at their heads countless times before. It's the perfect way to say, "Do you realize how easily replaceable you are?"

*Ha ha! As if!