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A couple of reports have come in about a lunchtime brawl at power-eatery Barney Greengrass, complete with grown men rolling around on the floor, brave, intervening waiters, and nearby agents trying not to have their meals ruined by badly aimed fists. Assistants all over town are scrambling to figure out the identity of the combatants to win points with their gossipy bosses, but in the interest of getting to the bottom of this, here's what we've heard:

· "Just lunched there, big throwdown fist fight ensued, dying to know who the two middle aged guys were! help! Old women were crying...Both late 30's 40's, not dining with each other, heard one say "guy who's been F***ing with my wife....across the room the whole time...." to another diner after the fact. Cops were called in and taking statements as I left."

· "Today, 1:30pm. Barney's in the middle of the inside dining room full of high powered agents having lunch:

1 guy (late 30s, tan, Mark Wahlberg/Mickey Rourke looking) walks over to a neighboring table to speak with another guy (30s in black dress shirt, with dark blond spiked up hair). They are suddenly on the floor writhing, fighting and knocking over tables, chairs and breaking glassware all over the place. A seasoned Barney's waiter jumps down on the floor with them and tries to pull them apart yelling, "Let him go! Let him go!" Everyone is backed up against the walls in shock and trying not to get knocked over. The waiter pulls the guy in black shirt off the other guy. The guy in black shirt gets walked out. The Cops arrive and speak to Other guy who is very nervous that black dress shirt guy will sue him or press charges. Other guy seems to know half the agents in the room who keep walking over to his table and he walks over to theirs to discuss."

Help us do our part to make sure that those traumatized old women didn't shed their tears in vain: If you have any leads as to the identity of the Ultimate Lunchtime Fighters or the backstory to the melee, you know where to find us. Updates as they become available...

UPDATE: After the jump...

As commenter Double Banger reminds us below, Hollywood is just one huge high school and we're all trying to figure out who was fighting in the cafeteria today. Two competing stories have been flying around at light speed, one involving an agent at a Big Agency, an exec at a Name Brand Studio, and the improper, possible cross-diddling of significant others. Names withheld because we don't think they're our mystery combatants.

But everything we've heard seems to indicate that the second story in circulation is the more credible (but still unsubstantiated) one, so we're selecting the pertinent tip with the happiest ending because we are nothing if not suckers for a nice shower of teddy bears to wash away the dirty feelings:

So, according to a trusted source, the fight at Barneys was between manager Erik Kritzer and the guy who was sleeping with his wife and subsequently broke up his marriage. Supposedly, Kritzer took the guy out for coffee afterward to make amends.

See? They supposedly shared a cup of coffee after trying to kill each other with butter knives! All is clearly right with the world now.

Everyone back to eighth period geography before you get detention!