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A Defamer reader looking for some stripped down, hard-rock entertainment at the Malibu Inn Saturday night instead got the inept musical stylings of a celebrity clusterfuck: a band composed entirely of rock star progeny conceived during a series of Jack n' Coke-enhanced blackouts in the 80s was usurped by a blitzed, mic-hogging Kid Rock and substitute drummer Jeremy Piven, who made up for his inability to keep time by proudly shouting to the crowd the classic punk credo of all Emmy-winning, rock star-wannabes: "I won metal!"

Malibu Inn, Saturday night. Went to see Scott and Amie Project play (Scott Russo from UnWritten Law and his gal pal Aimee Allen). Wasn't aware it was "Whitestarr Night". The addiction-challenged band of Rock star kids who are a local Malibu favorite. Roy Orbison's youngster. Dickie Betts's younin' and Izzy of Guns and Roses offspring. In addition it was Sisco's birthday. Whoever he is. Whoopie! Anyhoot, I arrived at 10 pm to see Scott and Aimie and found Kid Rock holding court bar left. Pam Anderson, tight wrapped black shiny thing on heels, within spilling distance. The joint was packed with almost every surf, trust fund and ecstacy-loving kid, Malibu sperm has produced in the last 18 years. At least 500 sun drenched, clean-scrubbed blunderkind of the high end coast dwellers jostled for strategic cell phone positioning throughout the club.

As Scott and Aimee launched into the fourth song of their well-received set, a stuperous, slow moving Kid Rock, shirtless but hatted, ascended to the stage. In mid song he slid behind Russo's mike and indicated he wanted the younger rock star's guitar. The startled Russo unslid his axe and sheepishly turned it over to Rock royalty. In the background you could see recent Emmy winner and wig wearer, JEREMY PIVEN trying to coax the band's drummer off his stool. DUANE BETTS, was in negotiation with Russo's brother to acquire the guitar he was guarding with his life. The entire club rushed the stage, Razr video phones in hand held high to record the presence of rock gallentry. The Rock mumbled incoherently and attempted to start a simple blues. Pivens, now behind the drum set, pounded out a 4/4 beat to no avail. The song collapsed under its own weight. The Betts Boy musically suggested "Ramblin' Man" a song made famous by his Dad, the Allman Brothers drug troubled guitarist. No go. The Kid couldn't remember the words. Song after song died an unsightly death. The members of the Scott and Aimme project stood by nervously while a beaming Pamalot looked on from stage left. A strategically placed body guard prevented anyone from coming on stage to remove the semi-conscious Rockster. Whisper after whisper spilled into Kid's ears. Almost all presumably asking him politely to leave the stage. All fell on drunk ears. No go. At one point Kid Rock just stood there holding onto the mike stand for dear life as the crowd chanted his name and sent out cell phone transmissions of his image. (Hopefully to the Central Office of AA in New York!)

After 30 minutes of this (it seemed like hours and it was only 11 pm!) a chemically enhanced smiling Piven yelled "I won an Emmy" to a crowd that could care less and probably if they gave it any thought at all, believe "Entourage" the hit HBO show that Piven repped, was a reality show of sorts. As the liquor wounded Kid Rock was finally helped down from the stage, Scott and Aimee quickly returned to their set only to be interrupted by the club's manager who informed them that their time had run out and that WHITESTARR would now be taking the stage from them! Whitestarr's drug highs must have been peaking and they needed to take the stage immediately. Which they did. Piven ripped off his shirt from behind the borrowed trap set and yelled, "I won metal!" I guess referring to the composition of the Emmy statue itself.


Only in Malibu kids. Only in Malibu.