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Your knuckle-dragging commute to work was probably a bit more painful today, as the summer is officially over (and thank God — was it just us, or did it kind of suck this year?). Labor Day gave us three or four government-sanctioned days of binge drinking, and naturally all hell broke loose at the Times building, where countless staffers made painful, last-ditch efforts to look good in ill-advised white pants. Amidst this end-of-summer madness, the Gray Lady FINALLY decided to acknowledge that billionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein has been accused of allegedly soliciting deep-tissue handjobs from underage girls in his Palm Beach mansion.

You're probably wondering what new development or special angle prompted the Times to run this story now, over a month after the news broke. Surely the paper of record would provide new information — but no. Bitch will report whatever she wants, and that's just a boring, back-to-school recap. Think of it as a CliffsNotes to the ugly side of being rich, a matter which the Times could only address when the rich are on vacation and not reading the paper.

Questions of Preferential Treatment Are Raised in Sex Case Against Money Manager [NYT]
Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of Jeffrey Epstein