Displeased that the too-crazy, too-expensive actor whose services he no longer required was able to so quickly arrange alternative, amusement park-based funding for his future moviemaking endeavors, enraged, superannuated Viacom potentate Sumner Redstone commanded the finest minds in his corporate empire to retaliate against Tom Cruise by lightly satirizing the star in a basic cable television promo. Later today, Cruise producing partner Paula Wagner is expected to protect her meal ticket by releasing a statement claiming that "Tom has never heard of Spike TV, and is too busy to be bothered with this nonsense, as we are about to announce an exciting partnership with the Legoland California people."