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In the outside chance you failed to check YouTube for any up-to-the-minute announcements regarding the world's most glamorous and admired fart-in-a-mitten, then perhaps it is up to us to alert you to the fact that Paris Hilton's debut album, "Paris," drops today. And while the artist herself has been sent into fits of open weeping over the sheer intensity of its hotness, less partisan reviews have been mixed, with critics sharply divided over exactly which numbered sign of the apocalypse its arrival signals. A "Paris" review round-up :

· "'I know music,' she reassured the Sunday Times children's section. 'I hear it every single day.' While this obviously gives Hilton a massive advantage over those who have never heard any music and thus believe it to be a variety of cheese, there remains the nagging suspicion that this might not represent sufficient qualification for a career as a singer, in much the same way as knowing what a child is does not fully equip you for a career as a consultant paediatrician." [Guardian Unlimited]
· "Right from her opening, Alvin and the Chipmunks-esque mewls of 'Yeah, that's hot' to the painful spoken-word interlude on 'Jealousy' (sample lyric: 'Everything I did, I did because I cared'), it's clear that just as the emperor had no clothes, the heiress has no voice..." [Popwatch]

· "[M]ost of this sounds phoned in from the back of her limo. Make that whispered in; Hilton spends the bulk of the 40-minute album breathily, girlishly billing and cooing in thin, airy tones that bear little resemblance to her deadpan speaking voice." [Jam! Showbiz]
· "Under the right light, one could consider Paris a concept album. Almost every track has 'sexy' in it, and there is definitely the recurring theme of 'Paris's ego,' which I'd estimate has surpassed the size of Idaho." [CinemaBlend]
· "In a celebrity culture where shamelessness is a greater asset than talent, this CD was inevitable...Hilton's colorless, wafer-thin singing reminds us there are still limits to what technology can do for the human voice. (* 1/2)" [USA Today]