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· Mel, Week Two: The science of acting like a drunken asshole. Christians turn the other cheek. The Lieutenant Governor rethinks his endorsement. Tales of "The Cruncher." Dodger Stadium gets cold feet. Give a couple blonde chicks a celebrity meltdown, they'll eat for a lifetime. "I Am Israeli." "And fucked."
· Vanity Fair scores the first photos of Suri, though this creepy shot of mother and child safely behind electrified window bars may have beaten them to the punch.
· Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn's engagement debunked by poopy-sport publicist Stephen Huvane.
· SoaP Digest: Sam Jackson's method. Someone gets to the inevitable Liquids on a Plane before you can.
· Paris Hilton's ass-goiter makes its triumphant return and gives up sex. Her kinkajou bites the hand that feeds him.
· Joe Francis' counsel pleads the "giant, untameable member" defense.
· More bitchy infighting from the Spelling Girls.
· The Week in Lindsay: Spotted blowing rails of chocolate chip cookie crumbs at Hyde. Nightmare dispatches from the Herbie: Fully Loaded set.
· Robin Williams wins a Hairiest Newbie award at Hazelden Springbrook.
· Ex-agent Jamie Gold, reluctant poker hero.