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• Because this world has the endless capacity for incredible cruelty, a woman tried to mug Dustin Diamond — n Samuel "Screech" Powers — in his Omaha hotel room yesterday. While we believe anything Screech tells us, we've got to wonder how the woman got into his hotel room. Did she look like Lisa Turtle? [TMZ]
• Send Lohan to Iraq! Please! [AP]
• This is the second time today we've mentioned Esquire's "I've Got Two Hoo-Hoos" article, but if you've not yet read it, you MUST. We can't stress it enough. A sample: "I lost my virginity twice. The first time was when I was eighteen. Then I lost the other side two weeks later. To the same guy." [Esquire]
• David Duchovny massages Bart Freundlich's supple breast. [Getty]
• The shitstorm surrounding Diana Bianchi/Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook is doing wonders for the career of down-and-out singer Samantha Cole, who's finally reaping the rewards from sleeping with Cook a decade ago. [NYP]
• Floyd Landis is but a pawn in the war between Good Morning America and the Today show. [TV Squad]
• Page Six sets a good example, recycles. [One Park Avenue Realty]
• The HuffPo gets $5 million and what do they do? Publish a Woman's Studies major from Wellesley who lives in Brooklyn and writes about Sleater Kinney. Ungrateful sonuvabitches. [HuffPo]
• Britons beat off for charity, whereas Americans do it for themselves. [Reuters]
• Cindy Adams finally gets the star treatment. [NYT]