Melissa Berkelhammer: Embrace the Tardation?

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Jessica

07/26/06 11:15AM

Filed to: melissa berkelhammer

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As the Middle East continues to implode, the Observer introduces us to Melissa Berkelhammer, a kind-of socialite who has no job other than to go to parties and be photographed. We're unsure of whether or not she'd qualify as an It Girl — she's got no compelling quality to speak of — but she's certainly worth listening to:

• "My mom helps me get dressed sometimes, 'cause I don't—like, if I have something difficult, you know, to put on, I don't have a roommate and I don't have a husband or boyfriend, so like what am I gonna do? I'm not gonna call, like, a doorman or something!"

• Ms. Berkelhammer does the Hamptons. "I think I missed one weekend so far," she said.

• "Like, I'm left-handed!"

• And so Ms. Berkelhammer has no income of her own. "My parents enable me to live the lifestyle that I do. I don't think that there is anything wrong with that," she said. "I am grateful that I have the luxury to follow my dreams, which, of course, I am still trying to figure out what they are, and not work at some job that I hate because I need to support myself."

And so on. Please do read the entire article, it's worth it.

Ultimately, we can't decide: is Melissa now worthy of only the deepest scorn, or should we all embrace this utterly ridiculous twit? There's something to be said for a woman who completely owns her utterly ridiculous twittyness.

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4

Alfonso X. Alfonse Jessica 07/26/06 03:58PM

You know, this morning I watched "My Fair Lady" with my girlfriend.

There's that particular scene where Alfred Doolittle emerges from a

seedy bar, all flush with money left to him as sort of an inadvertent

joke. Anyhow, he cures Professor Higgins for setting into motion the

events that allowed him so much money because with money comes the

inevitable doom of "middle-class morality". He was complaining that he

could no longer exist happily as a parasite, sponging money off his

friends and drinking it away. It made me sort of annoyed, how parasitic

the character truly was.

Then I read this article, and was so revolted that I ate a handful of

sewing needles, and vomited so hard that vomit-coated needles forced

their way through my eyeballs from behind.

1

Fatwetdog Jessica 07/26/06 10:32AM

I may be fickle as the wind in my relationships with semi-celebrities, but I'm going to love her right now because I love that dress she's wearing. Not the color, the color is terrible on her. But if that dress were light turquoise, maybe a seafoam, she'd look like a darling little angel. For now, at least, I will love my seafoam-clad little angel.

1

Sycophanticide Jessica 07/26/06 10:38AM

I sometimes find myself a closet Paris Hilton fan. Her public persona as an overpriveleged narcissitic skank, with her own comments about herself as "shy" and a "homebody", are the true measure of unintentional hilarity.

Really, I find Ms. Berkelhammer to be boring in comparison.

Ascender Jessica 07/26/06 01:28PM

Holy Christ, this cunt on a cracker worked at Skadden Arps? No wonder white collar crime is rampant, jackasses like this twat are at the best firms in the country?

Ugh. And she modeled? Did her parents just hire a photographer and tell her she worked for Ford Modeling? Because there is no way this chick was a model. I wouldn't have her model the Gimp mask from "Pulp Fiction."