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· Nina Jacobson is fired from Disney, and gets the news in the delivery room. She lives on, though, in the Mickey Matrix. 650 lesser cast member executions to come. What a Debbie Downer!
· SuriWatch: A photo may or may not reveal a Katie Holmes-like figure holding a baby-like object. Katie returns from Telluride to the comfort of Barney's, sans Suri. The Queen of Queens claims to have seen/ touched/tasted the child, offers sketchy report.
· The Week in (Possibly) Substance-Related Celebrity Car Accidents: Daniel Baldwin at 80 mph. Haley Joel Osment hits a brick pillar, and is spotted hours before.
· Colin Farrell is paid a visit by a nutcase on The Tonight Show.
· Tom Cruise makes a tender, suck-up gesture towards reconciliation with Steven Spielberg.
· Party reports: Monster House and Miami Vice.
· Joel Siegel vs. Kevin Smith.
· Oprah Winfrey puts to rest all the gay rumors, thus officially starting the golden era of Oprah-Winfrey-is-gay rumors.
· The CW hopes their chosen color of green will lull and soothe viewers into watching their crappy programming.
· On a recent, Malibu poodle-shopping excursion, Paris Hilton coldly rejects Firecrotch's attempts at reaching out.
· America's Next Top Model writers demand their just dues for putting the words "a fashion spread in Elle magazine, shot by world reknowned fashion photographer Gilles Bensimon" in Tyra Banks' mouth every week.
· There's nothing Dakota can't do!
· Can you blame David Rosenthal? Heidi Klum so pretty!
· Everything you're not missing at Hyde.
· Pamela Anderson gigantic fake tits to spill out of wedding dress soon.
· Britney Spears, like, feelin' tigers, y'all!