Pasty Superman Demands To Be Made Prettier Than Lois Lane
Having already destroyed homegrown hero James Bond with intimations that the new actor portraying him might not be man enough to fill the iconic tuxedo, the bloodthirsty British tabloids have turned their attention to humiliating the guy currently donning the cape of America's most recognizable imaginary champion. Brandon Routh and the Superman Returns team alighted in London this week for the movie's UK premiere, finally getting in range of the manhood-savaging ambush the press had been planning for the Man of Steel. Let the probably fictional, emasculating fun begin, courtesy of the Daily Mail:
The actor became annoyed when he saw pictures of himself posing up next to his Lois Lane, Kate Bosworth, who, he said, looked much more natural and sunkissed.
After the Superman Returns press conference at London's Dorchester Hotel on Wednesday afternoon, Routh's aides had new darker foundation flown in for him to use in time for last night's premiere in Leicester Square.
"To say that Brandon was livid with his make-up is an understatement," said an aide.
"The problem arose when he posed for photographs beside his co-star Kate Bosworth - who has a fantastic tan - and he realised that he looked pale and artificial in comparison. Basically there was a problem with the shade of his tinted moisturiser - it was slightly lighter than his natural skin tone - so he asked for an expensive fake tan moisturiser to be used instead.
The idea that Routh was sent into a hissy-tailspin by comparing his complexion to that of the "sunkissed" Bosworth is pretty good, but the added touch of claiming that Superman had his personal tanning team scrambling to have extra-strength bronzer "flown in" (we imagine a Warner Bros. private jet filled with Sephora shopping bags) to avert this crisis of pastiness is truly inspired. Really, the best we can do over on this side of the Pond is make jokes about his movie posters looking sorta gay.
