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Yesterday, someone sent me a seemingly spammy message to Bill Gates in Italian. Thank you to everyone who translated it. Here is one of the many stellar submissions.

Kind Mr Gates,

I write from Rome but I am not even sure if this is the right email. I am wishing for his help: I am not a person of the third world, I do not suffer from any particular sickness and therefore my email seems strange. I have tried everything in my life and I have succeeded in surviving and maintaining my family. Now I wish to try something to give me more security for my future. I am not so young, I am 45 years old, I am not that strong, but I do not want to give up. Can I count on your help? With the promise of returning everything hardly possible.

An embrace and thanks in advance,

Paola

I'm still working on replying to Paola, but suffice to say that she needs something that only we rich Americans can give. And in this new age of outsourcing, is there anyone overseas that we cannot easily supply with steady work, as long as they meet the industry-standard qualifications of knowing who Bill Gates is?

Even though we're all already working hard to get that guy who got fired for laughing at Valleywag hired, there's room for another charity case. Does someone have a job to offer Paola, a connection to Bill Gates, or Italian-English skills to help me get her a job? Telecommuting is probably required.

Earlier: Help someone...get something...from Bill Gates. I think.