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· Okay, we'd all like to see the Miracle Baby now, please. No, not that one.
· A recap of all the nominees for the awards no one cares about. How about if they were naked?
· Is Aaron Spelling's Xanadu up for grabs?
· A bomb scare at the Scientology Center.
· Hilary Swank says it was Chad Lowe's unidentified substance abuse problem that got between them, not the whole "no career" thing.
· Kathy Griffin says it was Matt Moline's stealing out of her purse that got between them, not the whole "no balls" thing.
· Amanda Scheer Demme wants a piece of the roaming party, Xenii-type action.
· Publicists have an e-mail slap fight over who can best babysit Britney Spears.
· The battle for Brando's estate is a lot like his most recent movie.
· If baby got back, baby got a shot at being part of SoaP history.
· Canadians aren't so "nice" when it comes to SoaP movie promotions.
· You won't hear a word Brandon Routh says, because you'll be too focused on the absurdity of watching him demonstrate retarded pilates rope yoga.
· Pirates of the Caribbean 2 leaves some unfinished business for Pirates 3, which is already casting and looking for "exotic amputees." Send your headlessshots to Sande Alessi Casting.
· Michelle Rodriguez protests the war at her pit-licking peace-in.