Emotionally, we're still celebrating America's birthday — and we value nothing more than our nation's independence, and our constitutional freedom to look at fucked-up hipsters on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. Yep, it's time for some Blue States Lose. After the jump, Joey Arak models his leotard collection.

You know what's weird? Not that she exists (well, that's kinda weird), but that this exists. Enjoy the oddly-detailed history of the 17-year-old (!) "Edie Sedgwick of our time," and then enjoy the list! Hopefully it'll take your mind off of giant headlines, screen-chewing columns and the suddenly unemployed.

10) Misshapes. June 24, 2006 photo #088: What is the true indicator that summer is here? Lightning bugs illuminating the musky night, enchanting the neighborhood children? The first weekend getaway to the Hamptons aboard a packed-to-the-gills Jitney? The availability of the Friendly's Watermelon Roll? No, no andduhno. It's when Suit Guy doffs the blazer, rolls up the sleeves and busts out the cable-knit sweater vest. Can you taste his moistness?

9) Misshapes. June 24, 2006 photo #074: You know what? Wearing misappropriated military medals is definitely something we can get behind. Look at him. He's like a little boy who got into his grandfather's drawers and now he knows he's being naughty. Aww, are you afraid to tell the truth? Where's that finger been, Jeremy? Mmmmm, we don't want to know, do we?

8) Last Night's Party. Menage a Quatre photo #7836: We mentioned last week that our new favorite thing is when Last Night's Party shows coked-up emaciated hipster girls doing the head-tilt hungry-eyes while eating food. Friends, has our new passion already been bumped to second-place irrelevance? Nope, it's actually third-place irrelevance, because doing all that while shaving one's pits or brushing one's teeth is a whole new stratosphere of unintentionally retarded behavior.

7) Misshapes. June 24, 2006 photo #187: It's really what makes Misshapes special, isn't it? You could cut the sleeves off your tight white shirt, pair it with your spotless white pants, and if you were at any place else in the world that wasn't Don Hill's you would be that one dude wearing the sleeveless white shirt with the white pants. But at Misshapes, God bless it, this guy walks by, casts a rakish smirk your way and says, "I'm sorry, but have you forgotten your razzle dazzle?"

6) Misshapes. June 24, 2006 photo #181: It's really what makes Misshapes special, isn't it? You could wear a plain white T-shirt with a plunging V-neck so low that the Nottingham Forrest on your chest gets exposed to the masses, and you can strike a ridiculous pose with your hands, and if you were at any place else in the world that wasn't Don Hill's you would be that one dude wearing the plain white T-shirt posing like an absolute dumbass. But at Misshapes, God bless it, this guy walks by, casts a rakish smirk your way and says, "I'm sorry, but did you forget your fourth-grade Zubaz pants?"

5) The Cobrasnake. 4th July Milking photo #7850: What's more depressing, that this doucheflake ran with the terrorist-chic scarf trend and fashioned an entire outfit out of it, or that they slapped the Supreme logo on a fucking batting glove and he probably shelled out $60PD (parents' dollars) for it? Answer: he sucks.

4) Ambrel. Fourth of July Motherfucker photo #8247: From the Motherfucker: A Movie promotional website: "For over six years, eight nights a year, Michael T, Justine D, Johnny T and Georgie Seville have come together to put on the most exciting event in nightlife. By blending decades of rock influences into their look, these producers concoct a remedy that brings the most diverse elements of Lower Manhattan together more successfully than ever before. They have stepped firmly into the 21st century with a rock and roll swagger and healed a city through irreverence and attitude. This film describes their ascent to the top of nightlife, through the multitudes of troubles that afflict their profession ... This is the story of New York City. This is the story of Motherfucker." Yup. Talk about a groundbreaking cultural movementthese guys can hardly believe they're helping shape the zeitgeist! Look at them heal that city!

3) The Cobrasnake. Malibu Smashbox photo #7468: "Hey Steve, would you mind not stroking Hawaii mullet's face and showing me how to cue up this Bloc Party remix on Traktor?" "Uh, Lindsay, would you mind shutting the fuck up?"

2) Ambrel. Fourth of July Motherfucker photo #8551: Not to go all high-brow on you or anything, but remember the first time you watched Matthew Barney's Cremaster cycle, and you saw Barney as Goatboy and Barney as the rag-munching Entered Apprentice, and you thought, "Where the fuck does this crazy weirdo come up with shit?" Well, as it turns out, all he does is troll the hipster photo blogs, and when he comes across something he likes he just takes note of it and then ratchets down the horror and nightmarishness of it about 6000%. Then he puts it in a movie and sells lots of art and gets even richer. It's weird how that works.

1) The Cobrasnake. Malibu Smashbox photo #7193: Oh my God. Oh my God. Holy fuck. This isn't real. Is this real? What are you? WHAT ARE YOU? From where do you hail? What age do you come from? Are you of flesh, bone and blood, like mortals? Are you a majestic beast sent by some higher power to confuse our preconceived notions of existence and its meanings? Do you ride unicorns off into hazy gummy-drop sunsets? Are you the Angel of Death, on holiday for a few days after scooping up Ken Lay? Are you Freddy Krueger? Are you sipping from the liquidy discharges of the exploded brains you leave in your wake? How are you possible? Oh wait, California.