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Defamer is committed to assisting its physically unique readers in fulfilling their dreams of appearing in a major motion picture. Prospective fame-seekers interested in sharing screen time with Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean 3, sure to be one of next summer's biggest blockbusters, must be able to "play ethnic," "play small," or "play pigment-free." From the ongoing background casting call for Pirates 3:

Seeking Pirates — men age 18+, all shapes and sizes, all ethnicities: Asian, Spanish, French, African, Syrian, Lebanese, Middle Eastern, Turkish, Armenian, Arab, Persian, Caucasian, South American, Pacific Islander, Eskimo, etc...

You must be an extreme character type! We need extremely skinny, very tall, very short, hunchback, little people, unusual facial features and body types, exotic amputees, albinos, etc.

Bring your own current 3x5 photo (does not have to be professional). If you do not have a photo, we can take one for you for $2.00

Some may remember a similar casting call from last summer, and will undoubtedly be relieved to see the casting office has dropped its untoward Asian fetish for this go-around. Also heartening is the upgrade from "amputee" to "exotic amputee," a change in background needs that may afford the surpassingly ambitious a chance to stand out from the humdrum legless by grabbing a hacksaw and creatively self-mutilating their way to an exciting career in Hollywood.