We normally don't concern ourselves with "national news," especially the kind that "doesn't involve Lindsay Lohan suspiciously visiting a bathroom stall multiple times in the course of a meal she's not eating anyway," but from time to time, we like to help our friends at CBS cast their inevitable ripped-from-the-headlines movie of the week, and today's sudden passing of former Enron robber baron Kenneth Lay seems like perfect fodder for a forgettable, modestly budgeted biopic. Normally, we'd wrack our brains trying to come up with an inspired choice for the project, but this time we've outsourced casting duties to the celebrity face-recognition database at MyHeritage.com. (An idea we shamelessly stole from our sibling site Gawker.) The results, we're sad to say, were mixed at best: Robert De Niro's still at least a year away from taking MOW work, and Mark Harmon would probably need expensive prosthetics work to pull off such a physical transformation. (Or, at the very least, the reversal of several pricey cosmetic procedures.) We gave our virtual casting agent another chance by submitting a different photo, but we're pretty sure that even at their drunkest, CBS's staff wouldn't put in a call to Jackie Chan's people to see if he wanted to take his career in a different direction, so their jobs should be safe until this promising technology catches up with its flesh-and-blood competition.