Before you pile into your stretch Hummer limo and hit the L.I.E. to Hamptonite hell, do take a moment to remember those less fortunate than you: the hipsters who cannot afford beachfront property, who must suffer and sweat and grind away on the dancefloors of this city while you work on your tan. And so it's time for Blue States Lose, wherein we look through these poor hipsters' stupid photos on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak sticks a sparkler up his ass.

The Misshapes photos weren't posted until this morning, and if you think we give enough of a shit to rush and stick 'em in, you're dead wrong. We'll get to them next week.

10) Last Night's Party. Dinner With Bronques II photo #8269: Of all the great marriages that have resulted in amazing unintentional comedyyour Carmen Electras and Dennis Rodmans, your Britney Spearses and Jason Alexandershas there ever been anything in the cosmos greater than the unholy matrimony of Last Night's Party and food? The fact that she's still trying to shoot the disaffected/sultry/coked-up half-stare while shoveling linguine down her yapper is so fucking amazing that Japanese teenagers will be paying 600 dollars (U.S.) for copies of this photo in 10 years. No wonder hipsters don't eat. It's impossible for them to look cool and provide their bodies with nourishment at the same time.

9) Last Night's Party. Sci-fi Mutant Prom Pt. 2) photo #9206: Michel: "Fuck, I mean, I've taken all your advice beforethe tattoos, the wardrobe, everything!but I'm really not sold on this whole freaky moustache idea. I look like a homeless Hitler who's lived off abandoned Sparks cans on Bedford Ave. for the past 18 months."

Little Blue Devil That Follows Michel Everywhere and Only He Can See: "YOU'LL FUCKING DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO YOU LITTLE TWAT!"

8) Last Night's Party. Sci-fi Mutant Prom (Pt. 2) photo #9252: Hipsters&$151;the older we get, the more shirt they lose. What's next? Eyebrows?!

7) The Cobrasnake. Red Stripe Heart Attack photo #2138: "Red Stripe is sponsoring this party and I've already got red hair. Hmm, how can I further this theme. Oh wait! Perrrrrrrfect. I'll be the belle of the ball."

6) The Cobrasnake. Tuesday Night photo #4610: Talk about sending a mixed message. OK, we get it, the next big thing is hats. Not trucker, of course. But is it corduroy, retard or old man? FOR GOD'S SAKE PUT DOWN THE FUCKING MIC AND HELP US, STEVE AOKI. Phew, now he's on top of it.

5) Last Night's Party. Sci-fi Mutant Prom (Pt. 2) photo #9317: "Oh Flognarp! The way you BelDel humanoids exchange protein strands is absolutely disgusting and shameful. If you'll excuse me, I'll be off flogging my grimsnatch like a normal Marlurpian. You krafingle me?!"

4) The Cobrasnake. Gone With the Wind photo #3087: What looks like a serious argument between two involved hipsters is actually just that. And it could not possibly get more serious.

Her: You're wearing my clothes!
Him: And?

3) The Cobrasnake. Chicago Vice Sox photo #3412: Is it time? Yes, it is time. Everybody's favorite Cobrasnake game: Hipster or Homeless? Let's have a look at the evidence. Ragged gloves...scraggly facial hair...begging for loose dollars...mysterious shit coming out of his hair...mild look of confusion/disgust on neighboring female hipsterhmm, definitely a strong case for homeless. HOWEVER, when was the last time you saw a homeless guy matching his oversized ironic T-shirt with a tight-as-shit tanktop. Ladies and gentlemen, we've got ourselves a hipster!

2) The Cobrasnake. Whirlwind Troubador photo #4130: We all know that the men's neck-scarf trend has spiraled out of control this summer, and even if you didn't know that, this would probably be a less-than-subtle clue. We're pretty sure that when dudes start wrapping 6th grade Starter jackets around their throats, that's pretty much that, you know?

1) The Cobrasnake. Gone With the Wind photo #2919: We look at a lot (a lot!) of photos to compile this little weekly list, and after so many months, we're fairly desensitized to all the stupid douchey antics out there. Or at least we think we are. Every time we're down and out and can't bring ourselves to click on any more photos, something comes along that completely makes our brains explode and invigorates our desire to show you what's wrong with this fucking world. This, friends, is one of those moments. What is this? Did he just throw a thousand random words into a sack to figure out what he was going to wear, and he pulled out "unwashed babushka Miami Beach hot pants?" His existence is less believable than Beirut going six hours without a music blog mention. Even AIDS wouldn't touch this thing.