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· The Week in Jolie-Pitt: There's more to choosing the nationality of your next adopted child than shutting your eyes and stopping a spinning globe with your finger. The Chosen One divides its less sacred siblings, though no paparazzo shall steal their souls. Namibian celebrity history still sorting itself out.
· Paramount delights in their second place, "we try harder" status. But if you fuck with their big 9/11 movie, you pay the piper.
· Aquaman thrills audiences in ways the third season of Entourage does not. Still, it's your primary text for a Doctorate in Mailroom-ology.
· Nicole Kidman tricks paparazzi into drinking beer and her husband-to-be into signing a bitch of a prenup.
· M. Night Shyamalan works though the psychic scars of Nina Jacobson's cruel notes sessions the old fashioned way: memoir writing.
· "Did you even read the scoreboard? NO AUTOGRAPHS, PINHEAD!"
· Variety looks at the ICM slump.
· Tom Cruise wows the Japanese, mainly because they have no idea what it is he's saying.
· It's Lavely & Singer versus the world, kid: Bruce Willis sues a paparazzo for blaming him for some bad bridge work. Reese Witherspoon sues Star.
· Robert Evans' latest wife to be animated exiting from photos, accompanied by his regret-tinged V.O.
· Not only do they call a Quarter Pounder a "Royale With Cheese," but Snakes On A Plane becomes Des Serpents Dans L'Avion.
· Aaron Spelling has a stroke, and his daughter rushes home after a week of alienating Canadians.
· An unsettling, S-shaped sign teaches you how to flush.
· Our readers report on the opening of Rande Gerber's new club, the Stone Rose.
· Click's not-so-original premise.
· Evangeline Lilly, master of really bad disguise.