Gawker PSA: Men of New York, Avoid Sex With Katie Doyle
We are unspeakably thrilled to learn from the front page of today's Observer that it's now acceptable — indeed, perhaps preferred — for men to be flabby. But every trend piece needs its "to be sure" graf, and reporter Sara Vilkomerson delivers hers at the very end:
But don't worry, Christian Bale and Brandon Routh and all you Equinox aerobics boys! Not every New York single gal has been won over by the resurgence of man flab. Katie Doyle, a pretty 21-year-old corporate-media blogger, is so not on board: "Fat rolls are disgusting. Also, I don't like sweat; I find the presence of sweat embarrassing. Meaty, Vince Vaughn-esque bear men sweat profusely and would potentially sweat on me during sex. I'd rather sew my vagina shut."
Now it's entirely understandable that pretty 21-year-old "corporate-media blogger"* Katie might prefer her men lithe. But we're flummoxed by her pathological aversion to sweat. Sex is dirty, as Woody Allen said, only when done right, and entirely sweat-free sex, therefore, is done very, very wrong. Thus we're calling attention to this quote as a public-service announcement. Straight men of New York, for your own good, avoid the fastidious Katie Doyle. And after word of your phobia gets around, Katie, we suspect the needle and thread will be unnecessary.
* And what's a "corporate-media blogger"? Is that just a fancy way of saying, "I work for Spiers"?
