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Another official memo, another official string of bull: After his retirement announcement, Microsoft founder Bill Gates sent an all-hands internal memo that the press passed around this weekend. The Valleyspeak dialect has a native speaker up in MS's Redmond HQ, so pay attention to what Gates says and what he means.

I wanted to take a moment to share some of my thoughts, as well.

As long as that's, erm, okay with my CEO. May I please, Mr. Ballmer?

As Steve's mail indicates, I've decided that two years from now, in July 2008, I want to devote more time to the work of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

Steve's training is almost done — he can now throw furniture with sheer mental force — but come on, I'm a man whose name was calculated to mean "666." I'm leaving some big shoes to fill.

To prepare for this change, we have a well-thought-out transition process.

Okay, in the "Windows Vista" sense of "well-thought-out."

Our core businesses are strong and we have a clear vision for how we will meet new challenges and opportunities.

By begging anyone, anyone to partner with us.

Steve [has] done a fantastic job [...] Steve has driven us to make bold bets [...] Steve is the best CEO I could imagine.

Steve is leaning over my shoulder right now.

Microsoft will always be a huge part of my life.

The ludicrously lucrative part.

I want to thank you and all of the employees past and present who have contributed so much to this company.

Except you, Robert Scoble. Bastard.

For these last 31 years, I've had the best job in the world.

That's right — for the last three decades, I've secretly moonlighted as a Playboy massage oil slatherer. I love the ladies and the ladies love me.

We're only at the beginning of what software can do.

Apple's somewhere near the middle. Damn those people.

I'm going to take an extended vacation this summer with my family, but I'll be back in late August.

We're headed to Tijuana. Expect me to wander back soaked in tequila and gunpowder. Don't let me near the MSN team.

Bill Gates' e-mail to employees [Seattle P.I.]